6 Sex Problems and How to Solve Them – from nzgirl (04/08/14)

Welcome to the first instalment of a brand new series on sex.  Yep we’re actually going there. Let’s face it it’s not always easy to keep the juices of lovemaking alive so we’ve decided to get to the bottom of it in our new 12 Steps To Better Sex series.

This tiny three letter word (sex) seems to have the power to stir all sorts of crazy emotions in us so that’s why we’re going back to basics and unlocking the secrets to better sex.

We’ll be looking at some of the most common barriers to better sex including how to put the passion back into your sex life, when it’s time to tell the truth and stop faking it plus lots more.

To kick things off we’ve decided to look at the most common sex problems we all seem to face and offer up a few tips on how to overcome them.

1. Laziness. I’m sure we can all relate to this one.  Often when you’ve been in a long term relationship it’s easy to fall out of step with your partner.  If hopping into bed with a good book seems more appealing than getting up close and personal with the one you love then it’s probably time to spend a little time reconnecting with each other.  Your relationship outside the bedroom often reflects what’s going on between the sheets so make time to enjoy being together and having fun.

2. Boredom. Variety really is the spice of life when it comes to your sex life.  If your sex life has become predictable (and let’s face it it does) then it’s time to mix things up a little.  Long-term sex can be loving and meaningful but to keep the passion alive you’ll need to get inventive.  To overcome boredom in the bedroom, the Huffington Post’s Debra MacLeod suggests you change the way you behave in bed. “If you’re usually quiet, wake up the neighbors. If you’re usually vocal, tone it down. If you’re typically slow and steady, pick up the pace. For added buzz, hide a sex toy under your partner’s pillow, whether it’s a high-tech vibrator, a feather tickler or a warming/cooling lubricant.”

3. Exhaustion. When you’re busy and tired getting wild between the sheets is often the last thing on your mind. If you’re both busy it’s extra important to make time to be close.  While it may sound a little too controlling for some, busy couples often need to schedule time to be intimate.  Okay spontaneity goes out the window if you start diarising “date” nights but at least you’re actually increasing your chances of making it happen.



4. High tech troubles. We all love being online but when it comes to getting intimate it’s important not to let your high tech devices get in between you and your sex life.  If you keep your phone or your laptop in your bedroom it’s all too easy to roll over and check your Facebook feed or scope out who’s doing what on Instagram.  So the key is to leave your devices out of the bedroom. There’s a time and a place for everything right?

5. Body Image. It’s hard to feel sexy all of the time and let’s face it during the course of our lives our bodies go through many changes.  These changes can make us feel self-conscious about our bodies and this is a sure fire passion killer. It’s important to remember that beauty is only skin deep – what’s on the inside is what really matters and it’s important to remember this.

6. Differing Sex Drives. Our sex drives go up and down for all sorts of reasons but it’s important to be respectful of your partner’s desires.  That doesn’t mean you should roll over and say yes every time he wants “it”.  But it means if you do have different levels of desire then you need to talk about it and come to an agreement of how much sex you both feel comfortable with.  There’s nothing worse than being constantly bugged for sex from your partner so communication is key here.