If you want to improve your relationship today then all you need to do is take five minutes out to learn the different types of love languages. When you understand what love language your partner speaks you’ll find your path to long-lasting love a whole lot easier. Marriage counsellor and author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, Gary Chapman says there are five key ways to express love and if we don’t understand our partner’s needs for love then we may always struggle in our relationships. Most of us have a few different ways we choose to show our love. Problems arise when our natural way of showing love differs from our partners. For example, if receiving gifts is the way you feel loved by your partner and spending time with you is the way your partner shows love then you are both destined for disappointment. You are both showing your love for each other but you’re not speaking the same love language so often the intention gets missed. That’s why understanding these love languages can be the most important thing you ever do for your relationship.
Psychologist Dr Christine Hibbert believes that most of us have never learned how to really communicate our love. So we’ve teamed up with Flowmotion to look at what these five love languages are so you can love and be loved in the way you deserve.
The 5 languages of love
1. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
If this is your love language you really connect with someone when you are verbally complimented. Hearing the words, “I love you,” is really important to you and hearing why someone loves you is the best thing ever.
If this is your partner’s love language: Set a goal to compliment your partner every day for a month. You’ll quickly see how well your partner responds to this type of love.
2. ACTS OF SERVICE
You express your love by trying to ease the burden of others. You love doing tasks like vacuuming the floor or cleaning the car to show your love. People who speak this love language want to please their partners by doing things for them.
If this is your partner’s love language: Why not try and pinpoint a task your partner consistently angsts about and make sure you add it to your to-do list.
3. RECEIVING GIFTS
It’s easy to mistake this language for being shallow and materialistic but the receiver of gifts thrives on the thoughtfulness and effort behind each and every gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift shows that you love someone enough to go to the extra effort. A missed birthday or special anniversary can be disastrous.
If this is your partner’s love language: Take note of things your partner likes and don’t wait for special moments to give them gifts.
4. QUALITY TIME
This person needs your time and your undivided attention. You need to be fully present for them and not distracted. It’s all about quality time together spent talking and listening to each other and really focusing on just the two of you.
If this is your partner’s love language: Schedule time to just be together without any outside distractions. Ask your partner what they would like to do together and make it happen.
5. PHYSICAL TOUCH
This person needs your physical presence to feel loved and secure. Holding hands, kissing, hugging and sex are all important lifelines. A simple act like sitting close to each other when you’re watching TV communicates your love.
If this is your partner’s love language: Make the effort to touch your partner by holding their hand, sitting closer and giving them a brief kiss when you leave the house.
Most of us have learnt our love language from our parents and this language becomes our native tongue. It may work for us but it’s highly likely our partner speaks a different love language. Taking a little time to understand your partner’s love language will help you unlock the key to long-lasting love.