6 Sex Problems and How to Solve Them – from nzgirl (04/08/14)

Welcome to the first instalment of a brand new series on sex.  Yep we’re actually going there. Let’s face it it’s not always easy to keep the juices of lovemaking alive so we’ve decided to get to the bottom of it in our new 12 Steps To Better Sex series.

This tiny three letter word (sex) seems to have the power to stir all sorts of crazy emotions in us so that’s why we’re going back to basics and unlocking the secrets to better sex.

We’ll be looking at some of the most common barriers to better sex including how to put the passion back into your sex life, when it’s time to tell the truth and stop faking it plus lots more.

To kick things off we’ve decided to look at the most common sex problems we all seem to face and offer up a few tips on how to overcome them.

1. Laziness. I’m sure we can all relate to this one.  Often when you’ve been in a long term relationship it’s easy to fall out of step with your partner.  If hopping into bed with a good book seems more appealing than getting up close and personal with the one you love then it’s probably time to spend a little time reconnecting with each other.  Your relationship outside the bedroom often reflects what’s going on between the sheets so make time to enjoy being together and having fun.

2. Boredom. Variety really is the spice of life when it comes to your sex life.  If your sex life has become predictable (and let’s face it it does) then it’s time to mix things up a little.  Long-term sex can be loving and meaningful but to keep the passion alive you’ll need to get inventive.  To overcome boredom in the bedroom, the Huffington Post’s Debra MacLeod suggests you change the way you behave in bed. “If you’re usually quiet, wake up the neighbors. If you’re usually vocal, tone it down. If you’re typically slow and steady, pick up the pace. For added buzz, hide a sex toy under your partner’s pillow, whether it’s a high-tech vibrator, a feather tickler or a warming/cooling lubricant.”

3. Exhaustion. When you’re busy and tired getting wild between the sheets is often the last thing on your mind. If you’re both busy it’s extra important to make time to be close.  While it may sound a little too controlling for some, busy couples often need to schedule time to be intimate.  Okay spontaneity goes out the window if you start diarising “date” nights but at least you’re actually increasing your chances of making it happen.

feet-in-bed

 

4. High tech troubles. We all love being online but when it comes to getting intimate it’s important not to let your high tech devices get in between you and your sex life.  If you keep your phone or your laptop in your bedroom it’s all too easy to roll over and check your Facebook feed or scope out who’s doing what on Instagram.  So the key is to leave your devices out of the bedroom. There’s a time and a place for everything right?

5. Body Image. It’s hard to feel sexy all of the time and let’s face it during the course of our lives our bodies go through many changes.  These changes can make us feel self-conscious about our bodies and this is a sure fire passion killer. It’s important to remember that beauty is only skin deep – what’s on the inside is what really matters and it’s important to remember this.

6. Differing Sex Drives. Our sex drives go up and down for all sorts of reasons but it’s important to be respectful of your partner’s desires.  That doesn’t mean you should roll over and say yes every time he wants “it”.  But it means if you do have different levels of desire then you need to talk about it and come to an agreement of how much sex you both feel comfortable with.  There’s nothing worse than being constantly bugged for sex from your partner so communication is key here.

Flow Motion - Go with the flow

The Importance of Sex and Personal Lubricants

I recently attended a business networking breakfast. Each attendee had to stand up and give a 60-second talk about their business. As I listened to everyone else (and nervously awaited my turn) it occurred to me that while having adequate insurance, sorting out your computer problems, landscaping, selling cars, and attaining bank loans are an important aspect of today’s economy, nothing was actually more important than sex.

Don’t believe me? Think about it. Along with food and sleep, sex is one of the most important and most natural things we do to ensure the survival of the Human Species. If, for some bizarre reason we all stopped having sex, the human race would disappear off the face of the earth within 100 years. But I have no doubt that nature made it enjoyable so that we’d keep doing it.

Most sexual activities require lubrication, and adequate lubrication is a big part of enjoyable, safe and healthy sex.

So follow the logic: lubrication is fundamental to pleasurable sex, and pleasurable sex is fundamental to ensuring the survival of human kind. And yet, we are often too embarrassed to discuss the nuances of our sexual needs openly – even with our sexual partners.

Eventually, my turn came to speak and I introduced myself as the founder of FlowMotion. “I produce and market a BioGro NZ Certified Organic Personal Lubricant called FlowMotion Organic Lubricant.” I said shakily. I’m not embarrassed to talk about sex or lubricants, I just don’t like talking in front of groups of people. What I do enjoy however, is watching for the penny to drop, to see the reaction of people when they actually understand what I just said.

It’s at this point I notice the variety of responses. Some people get uncomfortable, especially the over 50’s men, who squirm in their seats and look away. But I also recognise a look that I can only describe as a ‘knowing kind of relief’ from some of the women in the room, as if they are thinking, “Finally! Someone to talk about it – and offering a healthy alternative.”

Twenty seconds in to my 60-second talk, everyone was laughing loudly (must have been something I said). There is no way to talk about it without innuendo, and it often bringing up personal issues for people.

I pressed on amidst the laughter and I made the few points I’d intended; the importance of sex to human survival, the fact that we are sometimes uncomfortable talking about it, that sex requires lubrication, and the very important fact that mucous membranes absorb more than if you ingest the same ingredient, so we really need to take care of what sort of lubricants we put ‘down there’.

After my 60-second speech, I sat down (hands still shaking) knowing that at the very least everyone had had a good laugh, that no one would soon forget what I did for a job, and perhaps there were a few more people in the room who understood that sex and lubrication was far more important than they had ever imagined.

But why are people uncomfortable about talking about ‘Lubrication’? It’s often the ‘issues’ thing, such as;

  • dealing with the embarrassment factor, knowing how and when to talk to your partner about it
  • denial that you might actually need a lubricant, as if needing a lubricant is a slight on your ability to either be aroused, or to arouse your partner
  • feelings of inadequacy if you can’t produce enough of your own lubricant
  • dealing with the physical effects of medications, surgery, menopause, childbirth, etc…
  • coming to terms with relationship and/or sexual issues
  • uncertainty about choosing the best kind of lubricant

The list goes on!

Let’s start with the very basics. What is lubrication? Nature has done a pretty good job of providing us with our own lubricating mechanisms.

Female lubrication: During sexual arousal in women, blood flow to the vagina, vulva, and clitoris increases, causing the veins in the genital tissues to dilate, making the whole area feel full (‘vasocongestion’). At this time, a sort of sweating reaction occurs which creates a wet secretion.

Male lubrication: Pre-ejaculate fluid (or ‘pre-cum’) in men does more than just lubricate; it also seems to neutralise residual acidity in the vagina, creating a more favourable environment for the viability of sperm. Unlike sperm (that is made in the testicles), pre-cum is produced in a man’s Cowper’s gland. So pre-cum and sperm are produced in two different parts of a man’s the body. Note: Not all pre-cum fluid contains sperm, but don’t bank on that if you are trying to avoid pregnancy!

So there is the short version of the natural male/female lubrication process. But there are many reasons why people lose the ability to produce enough of their own lubrication. And even if they do produce enough of their own lubrication, there are times when you might like a little more.

Do you need more lubrication? If sex feels dry or painful, you need more. There are also times when there just isn’t enough, or none at all; when you use toys, or for anal sex, for example. Lubricants can help with foreplay and help encourage and stimulate natural secretions. Lubricants can even ease penetration if your or your partner is on the large side.

Vaginal dryness can happen during medical treatments for illnesses, leaving vaginal skin as thin tissue paper. So can menopause when hormones levels drop. Adequate lubrication is essential to ensure delicate genital skin isn’t damaged during sex. Damaged tissues leaves you more susceptible to infection and disease.

How do you choose the right sexual lubricant?

Read labels. Do your research. There are many articles on the web about the effects of chemical ingredients. Many brands contain nasty chemical ingredients and irritants. They burn, leave a sticky mess, and their ingredients are linked to causing thrush (yeast infections), allergies, and even cancer. Remember, delicate genital skin is a mucus membrane that is highly absorbent. You can also check out our own list HERE.

Choose a lubricant that is natural and safe to use. Always use a water based lubricant with condoms, but don’t use oil-based lubricants with condoms as the oil breaks down the latex.

Remember, most sex requires lubrication – that is totally natural. if you produce enough of your own, great! If not, be sure you choose a healthy option. Look for Certified Organic labels so you can be sure that at least 95% of the ingredients are certified organic (beware brands that claim ‘Made with Certified Organic Ingredients’, as they are only required to use 70% organic ingredients).

Adequate lubrication is important for safe, healthy, pleasurable sex. And pleasurable sex is a key component to the joys of intimacy!

FlowMotion Organic Lubricant is a BioGro NZ Certified Organic, water based personal lubricant that is the healthiest choice available. It is formulated to be as close to the body’s own natural lubrication as possible. Go with the FlowMotion!

Surefire Secrets To Five Star Sex

Welcome to the second installment of our brand new series on sex.  Yep we’re actually going there. Let’s face it it’s not always easy to keep the juices of lovemaking alive so we’ve decided to get to the bottom of it in our new 12 Steps To Better Sex series.

This tiny three letter word (sex) seems to have the power to stir all sorts of crazy emotions in us so that’s why we’re going back to basics and unlocking the secrets to better sex.

We’ll be looking at some of the most common barriers to better sex including how to put the passion back into your sex life, when it’s time to tell the truth and stop faking it plus lots more.

This week we’re finding out what we can do now to spice up our sex lives so we enlisted the help of an expert – Mary Hodson Specialist in Emotional and Sexual Intimacy at Sex Therapy New Zealand.

The first surefire secret to five star sex according to Mary is truly believing that sex is a healthy and good thing to do.

Many of us don’t place enough importance on our sex lives (because life gets busy) and therefore we don’t prioritise it.  If we’re not prioritising sex then we’re not really giving it a chance to be a highlight in our lives.

“Truly good sex comes from loving, respecting and knowing our partner really well and feeling loved in return,” says Mary.

“It also comes from knowing what we and our partner do and don’t like, being able to express that clearly and comfortably and being able to relax completely into the sexual activity and get lost in it. Negative messages stop us doing that,” she says.

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Mary also says we need to actively spend time creating the right circumstances for emotional intimacy to occur.  We need emotional intimacy to trust ourselves and our partner enough to relax and let five star sex happen.

Often our busy lives get in the way of our sex lives and Mary believes it’s essential to make time to prioritise our relationships.

“We don’t have to be so busy. It is okay, and more than that, it’s essential to take care of ourselves and our relationship. Say no to some things you do. Put the relationship first as much as possible. But that doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself in the process.”

Part of the reason our sex lives lose their spark is because we don’t take the time to let desire and arousal fully take over.  This is why it’s essential to take enough time to relax completely into our lovemaking. We’re not saying a little wham-bam-thank-you-mam is out of the question but make sure you balance it with longer, more emotional lovemaking sessions. Remember the more time you take the more likely it is for arousal to occur.

Desire plays a really important part in great sex too according to Mary. So it’s important to create situations that will encourage you to desire your partner.

Think back to some of the things you both did in the early stages of your relationship that really made you want to tear his clothes off.  Often life gets in the way and we forget about some of the simple things that we really dig about our partners.  It’s important to get back to basics and remember what got us hot and bothered in the first place and recreate those times.

Mary also believes that it’s important the big O (and we’re not talking Oprah Winfrey) happens during sex. This doesn’t mean it has to happen every time but the more often it happens the better your sex will be.

And finally she says: “Only having sex with a partner you love, respect and know really well and know loves you in return” is the real key to sizzling five star sex.

Check out the first instalment in our sex series 6 Sex Problems and How to Solve Them here.

5 REASONS TO LOVE FLOWMOTION ORGANIC LUBRICANT

  • It’s 99% certified organic
  • Two main ingredients are organically grown – Indian Cluster Bean is a fantastic natural lubricant and Aloe vera has been renown for its healing properties for centuries.
  • It’s a water-based personal lubricant that is the healthiest choice, doesn’t stain and leaves no sticky mess
  • It’s safe enough to eat
  • Is delicately balanced to closely resemble the body’s own natural lubrication

Sizzle Between The Sheets With These Hot New Sex Positions

If your bedroom routine is lacking a little spice then all you need to do is tweak your favourite tried-and-true sex positions and before you know it you’ll be shaking it up between the sheets in no time.

Mix it up Missionary

It’s time to give the good old missionary position a little extra oomph. While lying on your back pull your knees into your chest or better still raise your legs so that your feet hug your partner’s neck and wait for the magic to happen.

Girl on top

To add a little extra spark to this position simply spin yourself around so you are facing his feet. According to the author of Sex Recharge this variation allows for some serious G-spot stimulation and gives you the freedom to let your fingers wander to your own hot spot. . . or his.

Doggie Style

This one may seem like you’ll need some yoga smarts but it’s a lot easier than it sounds. Simply get your partner to lie on his back and bend his knees to his chest. Place his feet against your shoulders and sit down.

Start Spooning

Lie on your side and have your partner spoon you from behind while you draw your kneads up to your chest in the foetal position. Get him to hold you as tight as he can to maximise the feeling of physical closeness.

5 Reasons to love FlowMotion

  • It’s 100% BioGro NZ Certified Organic
  • Two main ingredients are organically grown – Indian Cluster Bean is a fantastic natural lubricant and Aloe vera has been renown for its healing properties for centuries.
  • It’s a water-based personal lubricant that is the healthiest choice, doesn’t stain and leaves no sticky mess
  • It’s safe enough to eat
  • Is delicately balanced to closely resemble the body’s own natural lubrication
  • nzgirl recently asked a group of influential bloggers to test drive FlowMotion Lubricant and asked them if they’d be more likely to buy FlowMotion since trying itt. 75% of the respondents said YES!